Jokers Guide To The Top 20: Top 20 Illegal Way To Make Money

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Thursday, February 10, 2011

Top 20 Illegal Way To Make Money

The following list is ILLEGAL ways to make money. Let me make this perfectly clear I do not agree with any of these ways to make money it is wrong and you should be ashamed of yourself if you even think of doing this. But honestly I had fun writing this. As always if I missed something or you have a list, leave a comment below.

1. Drugs
          Selling drugs, Buying drugs, Moving drugs, basically anything to do with drugs will get you money … the bad side being that most drug dealers will probably kill you if you do something wrong, Or because their high!
2. Prostitution
          Ladies and gents need I say more open up your legs to a few ugly people and watch the dollars roll in. (I say ugly people because they would be the only ones in need of a prosty or those with sick fetishes) so rock up to St. Kilda and get your freak on!!
3. Street Racing
This one involves some serious skill although all you really have to do is drive dirty and it shouldn’t be a problem. Although having a seriously tricked out car would probably help as well.
4. Theft
          Your parents, relatives, people off the street, stores, it doesn’t matter who it is, where it is or when all that matter is your either clever enough to go unnoticed or your fast enough to get away.
5. Tax Fraud
You will actually have to earn enough money to pull this off but also if you take cash in hand the government doesn’t need to know. Be warned the government does not like this and will fuck you up if you get found out.
6. Credit Card Fraud
          Create a will say persona that may or may not exist. Get some credit cards in this persona’s name and you’re in business. Although be warned about cameras so maybe going online at your local shopping centre and buying a few nice presents to be delivered at a post office would be a good idea.
7. Mugging
          Anyone can purchase a knife these days, just go up to a person on the street, maybe not the 6ft3 guy whose on steroids, take out the knife and demand money. Simple and easy. You most likely wont get much but seeing as your already there you may as well get there jewellery and such.
8. Pick-Pocket
          The train station would be your best chance of attack. If you go up to people and say “look out someone on the other platform got pick pocketed they say it’s been happening all day” people will instinctively tap their wallet and belongings. Now you know where they keep it use you light fingers and take what should be yours.
9. Hired Muscle
          Get to the gym, tune your arms to massive (Steroids will help) and go find a drug dealer or a pimp (there not that hard to find) offer your services.
10. Taking Payoff/Bribes
          Whether your in a position of power or a team member of a sporting club. We all know how to look the other way.
11. Underground Gambling
Although they might be hard to find they do exist and if you have an eye for talent it wont be hard to get some cash.
12. Fight Club
          Put those karate lessons you got as a child into some use, have a few shots of something hard and enter the ring. Fight just a little bit dirty, to be the winner. Just make sure your hospital bills don’t out way your winnings.
13. Cock Fights
          Get a cock, strap those razorblades on and get ready to rumble. Starving the rooster as well as provoking it may prove beneficial although inhumane.
14. PIMP
          Grab some girls from the strippers offer them a deal you know you won’t keep and you got yourself a possie of whores ready to go out and get you money. Keeping your whores in line is the problem and that’s where the hired muscle could be handy.
15. Hostage
          Long story short grab some reasonably wealthy families kid and hold him till you get money. Be warned you cannot expect to get money if this kids family lives in a housing development and goes down to centerlink everyday!!
16. Chop Shop
          Whether you jack cars and work with the shop this will be a great source of cash.
17. Insurance Fraud
          Step 1: Go to your insurance firm
Step 2: Leave with a large pay off if you die
Step 3: Fake your death
Step 4: Get someone close to claim money and live happily ever after.
18. Smuggler
Someone is always trying to find people to put drugs up their bums fly to another country and delivery the drugs, cos really besides gays who really wants a package up their ass.
19. Identity Fraud
Steal someone’s identity … then use it to reel up a huge amount of debt and leave the responsibilities with the original.
20. Body Part Harvester
          Universities and schools are always looking for skeletons and you wont have to look hard to find someone on the black market needing a few things like a liver or heart. And just between you and me I don’t think the bums will be missed.


  1. dude i have a bettr one i.e. Go to a cyber cafe ,get a pc [MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO CAMERAS] , try to remove its R.A.M

  2. Can someone please tell me why a person would publish an article for potentially the whole world to see if they truly feel the topic is morally wrong and shameful to even think about! A. how do you know about these things if you have never done them and B. what is worse...for your readers to think about what it would be like to do the above crimes for economic gain as they read along OR for the author to put those ideas out there in the world for someone who is desperate to read and possibly even try out. Way to go :)


  4. Shut up michele calabrese silly cow what are u doing on this site then I'm here to learn a thing or two before you reply asking why I'm on here